I’ve never felt this bad before. Before, whenever bad days came, whenevr I was in a depressive state I was able to live- I could do things, I could move around, work, try to keep going on with my life, and though it was a struggle I was able to. This…

It feels like drowning, like being slowly crushed. I don’t want to eat. I don’t want to do anything but lie on my couch. don’t want to do anything but just lay down and sleep, sleep forever.

I have so many people who love me and i’m acting like a piece of shit. I’m so ashamed of myself. I’m so disgusted by the way i feel, the way i’ve been acting, especially owards the pople I love. They deserve better than this. They deserve better than me.. If I was gone life would be so much more bearable for so many people and I feel ashamed that I cling to life like this. 

Was it my fault? Am I really the reason she acted like that? I didn’t think I was that bad, I didn’t know, but now i moved out and i’m insomebody else’s place and the same things are happening, just like at mom’s, just like at dad’s, and it’s so fucking ugly and stupid and I don’t want the cycle to repeat again. I just want to stay somewhere. I just want to live with my family and have us be okay. But we can’t I can’t, I’m my problem. I’m the reason things fail wherever I go. And i’m so disgusted with that fact, it’s like being trapped in a cage of myself, like a hell of myself.

Syd made me promise not to solve the problem, so what am I going to do now? If I can’t die, and if living just makes people resent me, what am I to do? Where can I go? I can’t escape, I feel painfully trapped.I can’t escape, and Ic an’t live, and I can’t focus on anything except for sleep. It feels like drowning

Something save me, please. Please.

"Avoid being scornful, both to others and to yourself. What seems to you bad within you will grow purer from the very fact of your observing it in yourself. Avoid fear, too, though fear is only the consequence of every sort of falsehood. Never be frightened at your own faint-heartedness in attaining love. Don’t be frightened overmuch even at your evil actions. I am sorry I can say nothing more consoling to you, for love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams. Love in dreams is greedy for immediate action, rapidly performed and in the sight of all. Men will even give their lives if only the ordeal does not last long but is soon over, with all looking on and applauding as though on the stage. But active love is labour and fortitude, and for some people too, perhaps, a complete science. But I predict that just when you see with horror that in spite of all your efforts you are getting farther from your goal instead of nearer to it — at that very moment I predict that you will reach it and behold clearly the miraculous power of the Lord who has been all the time loving and mysteriously guiding you."

Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

The best book.

(via invisibleforeigner)

"Ah, Misha, his is a stormy soul. His mind is held captive. There is a great and unresolved thought in him. He’s one of those who don’t need millions, but need to resolve their thought."

— Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov (via live-for-truth)

(Source: reparrishcomics)

whats-up-klye:

I hate it when people say “Fuck the police”. Don‘t just fuck the police. Take the police out on a couple dates. Take the police to the movies. Make the police fall in love with you. Then, fuck the police. Then don’t return the police’s calls. Make the police miss you. Make the police cry.

austinkleon:


Saul Steinberg and Kurt Vonnegut
In A Man Without A Country, Vonnegut called Steinberg “the wisest person I ever met in my entire life”:

I could ask him anything, and six seconds would pass, and then he would give me a perfect answer, gruffly, almost a growl. He was born in Romania, in a house where, according to him, “the geese looked in the windows.”
I said, “Saul, how should I feel about Picasso?”
Six seconds passed, and then he said, “God put him on Earth to show us what it’s like to be really rich.” I said, “Saul, I am a novelist, and many of my friends are novelists and good ones, but when we talk I keep feeling we are in a very different businesses. What makes me feel that way?”
Six seconds passed, and then he said, “It’s very simple. There are two sorts of artists, one not being in the least superior to the other. But one responds to the history of his or her art so far, and the other responds to life itself.”
I said, “Saul, are you gifted?”
Six seconds passed, and then he growled, “No. But what you respond to in any work of art is the artist’s struggle against his or her limitations.’

Filed under: Steinberg, Vonnegut

austinkleon:

Saul Steinberg and Kurt Vonnegut

In A Man Without A Country, Vonnegut called Steinberg “the wisest person I ever met in my entire life”:

I could ask him anything, and six seconds would pass, and then he would give me a perfect answer, gruffly, almost a growl. He was born in Romania, in a house where, according to him, “the geese looked in the windows.”

I said, “Saul, how should I feel about Picasso?”

Six seconds passed, and then he said, “God put him on Earth to show us what it’s like to be really rich.” I said, “Saul, I am a novelist, and many of my friends are novelists and good ones, but when we talk I keep feeling we are in a very different businesses. What makes me feel that way?”

Six seconds passed, and then he said, “It’s very simple. There are two sorts of artists, one not being in the least superior to the other. But one responds to the history of his or her art so far, and the other responds to life itself.”

I said, “Saul, are you gifted?

Six seconds passed, and then he growled, “No. But what you respond to in any work of art is the artist’s struggle against his or her limitations.’

Filed under: Steinberg, Vonnegut

(via ateenageriot)

smelterdemon:

antivantrash:

bae: hey u wanna come over? ;)

me: can’t im selling dwarven crafts

bae: my parents aren’t home

me: they’re fine dwarven crafts. direct. from. orzammar.

businesscasualwizard

(via juleeisramen)

natashi-san:

reallifescomedyrelief:

viforcontrol:

beautifuloutlier:

gwydtheunusual:

too—weird-to-live:

zafojones:

Circus Tree: Six individual sycamore trees were shaped, bent, and braided to form this.

how the hell do you bend and braid a tree

Actually pretty easy. Trees don’t reject tissue from other trees in the same family. You bend the tree to another tree when it is a sapling, scrape off the bark on both trees where they touch, add some damp sphagnum moss around them to keep everything slightly moist and bind them together. Then wait a few years- The trees will have grown together. You can use a similar technique to graft a lemon branch or a lime branch or even both- onto an orange tree and have one tree that has all three fruits.Frankentrees.

As a biologist I can clearly state that plants are fucking weird and you should probably be slightly afraid of them.

On that note! At the university (UBC) located in town, the Agriculture students were told by their teacher that a tree flipped upside down would die. So they took an excavator and flipped the tree upside down. And it’s still growing. But the branches are now the roots, and the roots are now these super gnarly looking branches. Be afraid.

But Vi, how can you mention that and NOT post a picture? D:

[source]

I am both amazed and horrified of nature as we all should be

natashi-san:

reallifescomedyrelief:

viforcontrol:

beautifuloutlier:

gwydtheunusual:

too—weird-to-live:

zafojones:

Circus Tree: Six individual sycamore trees were shaped, bent, and braided to form this.

how the hell do you bend and braid a tree

Actually pretty easy. Trees don’t reject tissue from other trees in the same family. You bend the tree to another tree when it is a sapling, scrape off the bark on both trees where they touch, add some damp sphagnum moss around them to keep everything slightly moist and bind them together. 
Then wait a few years- The trees will have grown together. 

You can use a similar technique to graft a lemon branch or a lime branch or even both- onto an orange tree and have one tree that has all three fruits.

Frankentrees.

As a biologist I can clearly state that plants are fucking weird and you should probably be slightly afraid of them.

On that note! At the university (UBC) located in town, the Agriculture students were told by their teacher that a tree flipped upside down would die. So they took an excavator and flipped the tree upside down. And it’s still growing. But the branches are now the roots, and the roots are now these super gnarly looking branches. Be afraid.

But Vi, how can you mention that and NOT post a picture? D:

image

[source]


I am both amazed and horrified of nature as we all should be

(via happynervosa)

justaguywitharrows:

ignoring-spiders:

theyoungradical:

mass producing your fake revolution

the fucking irony

This image is a metaphor for everything wrong with neoliberalism.

justaguywitharrows:

ignoring-spiders:

theyoungradical:

mass producing your fake revolution

the fucking irony

This image is a metaphor for everything wrong with neoliberalism.

(Source: fuzzyhorns, via juleeisramen)